Showing posts with label Binge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Binge. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

July 24: Daily Recap

The debauchery continues...

Breakfast: I was still frazzled and foggy this AM, and had a banana and a hard-boiled egg. Then, after I dropped the kids at the sitter, I stopped for a chocolate cake donut and a blueberry muffin from the grocery store. I also had a Diet Pepsi. This was my first in over a month. It is an addiction I have worked hard to break, and here I was, back at the aspartame.

Lunch: A gardenburger sub from Dave's Cosmic subs with Maui sweet onion potato chips. I chased that with a king size kit kat bar and a king size Reese's sticks.

Snacks: There were some, I can't really remember what they were. Some goldfish crackers, I know.

Dinner: I asked Mr. Kazoo to get me some tofu and vegetable pad thai from a restaurant in Ohio City on his way home. I forgot to specify that the pad thai should not have fish sauce. It had fish sauce. Fish sauce makes me throw up. After a few bites of the pad thai, I threw up. I also threw up the 5 delicious spring rolls that I ate before the pad thai. I couldn't really control it.

Dessert/Snack: King size Reese's big cup. Lightlife jumbo hot dog with hot dog bun, ketchup, and mustard.

Best caloric guess? 2837 calories.

This is what I do.

Always.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

July 23: Daily Recap

Breakfast: Coconut breakfast quinoa topped with strawberries and cherries. Calories: 368.

Lunch: Trader Joe's multigrain blend with vegetables topped with the last of the Chickpeas Romesco. Calories: 392.

Snack: Hard-cooked egg with some grapes. Calories: 132.

Then things got ugly at home, and it was like a switch flipped inside of me, and I ate. And I ate. And I ate. I don't have much memory of what I had.

There was a sandwich on Breadsmith butter-topped white with Morningstar farms veggie bacon (5 slices, I think), mayo, lacey swiss cheese, roasted red pepper, and lettuce.

I ate the rest of the can of potato sticks from yesterday.

Another Lightlife jumbo hot dog on a bun with ketchup and mustard.

Two hot dog buns stuffed with horseradish cheddar cheese.

A bowl of vanilla ice cream topped with Malley's fudge sauce.

No exercise.

Best caloric estimate: 2800

Monday, July 22, 2013

July 22: Daily Recap

Breakfast: Two fried eggs. Croissant. Slice of chocolate mousse cake (office birthday). [Calories: 682]

Lunch: Two Lightlife jumbo hot dogs, two hot dog buns, ketchup and mustard. Potato sticks (1.5 cans), a half of a giant chocolate chip cookie stuffed with vanilla ice cream. [Calories: 1245]

Dinner: Salad with mixed greens, spinach, carrot, cucumber, radish, horseradish cheddar, a Luna burger, rice noodles, sliced almonds, and more of the Oriental salad dressing. [Calories: 746]

Dessert: Vanilla ice cream.

Exercise: None

Total Calories: 2890

Saturday, July 20, 2013

July 20: Daily Recap

Breakfast: Coconut breakfast quinoa topped with cherries, strawberries, and blueberries [349 calories].

Exercise: 3.76 mile walk, included two climbs up Stinchcomb hill and one climb up Hogsback. [Burn: 364 calories]

Lunch: 2/3 cup brown rice, 2/3 cup Chickpeas Romesco, approximately 2 cups of cauliflower roasted in a teaspoon of olive oil and topped with a tablespoon of asiago cheese [429 calories].

Dinner: We went to a wedding, and I consumed what I guess to be about 40 ounces of white wine. There was bread and salad, cheesy potatoes and mixed veggies, and a cupcake. I was drunk. [1862 calories].

Post-Wine Binge: A veggie burger with cheese from Burger King with a large order of fries. And after that? A half of a PB&J.

Calories consumed: 3945
Calories burned: 364
Net Calories: 3581



Friday, July 19, 2013

July 19: Daily Recap

Breakfast: I started off right with a bowl of coconut breakfast quinoa topped with strawberries, blueberries, cherries, and unsweetened coconut.

And then...all hell broke loose...

I spent the day with my family. While the kids swam, I snacked on potato skins (the chips), Twizzler bites, Brach's candies, horseradish cheese and crackers, and two small tortillas slathered with Biscoff spread.

For dinner, you ask? We ordered Outback. I had a house salad with tangy tomato dressing, bread and butter, some bloomin' onion, some cheese fries with ranch, and a few bites of spinach and artichoke dip.

For dessert? A bowl of vanilla ice cream and a Heath candy bar.

Take that, clean eating.

Oh...and no exercise.

Approximate calories consumed: 3216.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

July 14: Daily Recap

For the record, this is what clean eating does not look like...

Breakfast/Pre-Ride Fuel: Cupcake, peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat bread, and soy milk.




 

Exercise: Distance ride on the roadie--took my Hilliard loop but added a bit on to the western edge, by heading west on Walker from Bradley and taking it to Abbe before heading north to Lake and coming home for a 35.65-mile ride. This was tough, partly due to my terrible pre-ride meal, partly because I'm still recovering from my cold, and partly because my body was just hurting. There was a knot to the right of my upper back that felt like an angry, throbbing softball. I called Mr. Kazoo for a ride about 2/3 of the way through the ride, but I made it home before he found me on the route.

Lunch: We took our family out for brunch at Deagan's to celebrate Sweetpea's birthday. I chose the 3-egg Gruyere omelet with home fries. Mr. Kazoo also ordered some house donuts for the table, and I had half of one. The donuts were oreo-slathered and just ok.


After brunch, we took the fam to our house for presents, cake, and ice cream. I had a piece of chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream (not pictured).

Dinner: I decided to give in and eat all of the foods I've been craving before getting back to clean eating on the regular. I had a sandwich with two slices of Breadsmith rosemary break, tempeh bacon (fried in peanut oil), mayonnaise (the regular, full fat kind), Lacey Swiss cheese, roasted red pepper, and lettuce. On the side? Grandma's macaroni salad, potato chips (more were eaten than pictured), and a real Dr. Pepper. Le sigh.


Dessert: Again? Yes. A bowl of vanilla ice cream. I went for the gold today. No picture.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

July 11: Daily Recap

I woke up ready for another healthy day, then realized that I'd forgotten to prepare my overnight oats last night, and I had no healthy options available that I wanted, and I got PISSED. I was absolutely enraged by dieting, healthy food, all. Of. It.

Breakfast: Two large eggs, broccoli (fucker), carrot, shallot, and red bell pepper cooked in olive oil. I topped this with asiago cheese so that I didn't hate life so very much.


I hated every stupid bite.

Exercise: [Speed Day] I hopped on my roadie and warmed up for the first five minutes of my ride (headed south/west on Hilliard). Then I completed ten speed intervals of one high-intensity, high-speed minute followed by two minutes of recovery. When I finished the final interval, I turned around and headed home. The wind worked against me on the way back, so the final 40-ish minutes of the ride were tougher than intended.

Lunch: Salad greens topped with cucumber, red bell pepper, carrot, radish, broccoli (fuckyou), savory sprouted tofu, Havarti with dill (the goat cheese isn't working for me in my salads), walnuts, and a Hilary's Hemp & Greens Burger. Since I'd already had two eggs for breakfast, I decided to use another "protein" on my usual salad. I'm really loving these burgers, but they are pricey, and I really ought to start making my own veg burgers.


It was tough not to snack this AM, but since it was my little Sweet Pea's first birthday, and I knew that I'd be eating an unhealthy dinner, I managed to hold out.

Dinner: We headed to Cozumel in Lakewood, our favorite Mexican restaurant, and started with the usual chips and salsa. I moved on to their Vegetarian #1, a cheese enchilada, bean burrito, and bean tostada, with a side of sour cream (not pictured). I ate everything but about half of the beans in the burrito and didn't touch the tostata (except for the lettuce on top).


After a relatively stressful mean and bedtime, I caved and ate a chocolate birthday cupcake with a teensy taste of the Ben & Jerry's peanut butter cup ice cream. So delicious.


I'm trying not to freak about this day. One high-calorie, high-fat meal with dessert is not the end of the world, but Tuesdays through Thursdays are usually my awesome-perfect days, and with ice cream on Wed. and this meal today, I'm a bit worried about getting through the weekend. Weekends are tough, anyway, but I feel a bit of pressure not to indulge given my weeknight treats this week. One decision at a time, I guess.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

June 30: Daily Recap

And this is, of course, the day that the wheels feel off of the wagon. After dinner with my family last night, I stopped at a graduation party and was awake way later than expected since I needed to drive a friend to the hospital for stitches, and emergency rooms are paaaaaiiiiinnnnfulllly show. And I drank coffee while waiting in the ER, because the coffee machine, unlike the soda and water machine, took credit cards and I was, of course, without cash. So I was UP. Late.

Waking up at 6:30 with the kids was PAINFUL. I was exhausted and I knew I was in for a rough day when Mr. Kazoo told me he needed to be back at his parents' house for the day to continue to pack and move.

So...

Breakfast: No photo, but I made a bowl of oatmeal made with 1/3 cup old fashioned oats, 1/3 cup soy milk, 1/3 cup water, and a half of a banana. I topped the oatmeal with a teeny bit of peanut butter and strawberry jam along with a couple of raisins, dry roasted peanuts, and a sprinkling of granola. It sounds decadent, but having made this breakfast dozens of times in the past, I know that it clocks in somewhere around 350 calories.

And then, I'm not really sure what happened. I was hungry before lunch and decided to have a mini-meal of a very small bowl of chili, and toasted multigrain bread with cow cheese, but I didn't stop there. There were Ritz crackers and cow cheese, goldfish, and more 7-UP pound cake that went down the hatch before I briefly managed to get the kids down for the shortest nap ever.

Oh, and I didn't even bother TRYING to work out. Just keeping my eyes open was exhausting enough, thankyouverymuch.

Dinner: By now, I'd completely given up on my entire day, and I suggested that we head to our favorite Mexican restaurant, Cozumel, for my usual bean burrito, cheese enchilada, bean tostada and, of course, sour cream, chips, and salsa.

Did I stop there? Of course not!! After the kiddos went to bed, I finished the Bordeaux sundae from the other night with some more pound cake on the side, and then I called it a night.

I know that, after this weekend, tomorrow will be a struggle, but no, if you're wondering, I'm not fucking giving up.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

June 23: Daily Recap

Exercise: Though I was mentally willing to engage in another brutal workout, I've been a bit rough on my body this week and decided that I needed an active rest day to allow a little time for recovery. I chose to head out for an early 45-minute walk around the neighborhood.

Breakfast: Coconut quinoa topped with cherries, strawberries, and shredded coconut. This is still a delicious and refreshing summer breakfast, but I think I'm ready to mix things up a bit and try some new flavors. Overnight oat/smoothies may make an appearance when this batch of quinoa is finished.


Lunch: The kids and I spent the day with my family today. I always struggle to make healthy food choices when I'm around my family, and today was no different. Though I'd prepared and packed my usual salad for lunch today, I *tasted* these veggie chips dipped in Aladdin's hummos. This *taste* led to one handful, and then another. Before you know it, I'd eaten my fill of chips and dip and, well, salad never happened. Imagine a much larger pile of chips than the one pictured.



Dinner: The grazing continued until dinner-time, when I feasted on a Morningstar "chicken" patty with ketchup, mayo, and American cheese on a hamburger bun with macaroni salad and barbecue chips. Not pictured was the remaining mountain of barbecue chips and mac salad that I ate both before and after dinner. And for dessert? A cheesecake-filled cupcake.


Dessert: Yeah, that's right. Not pictured was a half a cupcake that I ate before dinner and another half a cupcake eaten at home before bed...with another bowl of Snickers ice cream.

Now, weekends have always been a struggle for me. In the past, after a day like today, I'd have beaten myself up for "undoing" all of my hard work and clean eating for the week. I'm realizing the ridiculousness of this attitude, however, and have a new outlook.

I tend to be an all or nothing dieter. Either I'm eating perfectly and working out ALL OF THE TIME, or I'm eating whatever the hell I want (fast food, fried food, giant portions, daily dessert) and not exercising at all. Now, after an amazing week of eating and exercising, I'm not going to sweat over a day like today. In fact, I don't feel like I'm undoing anything. The choices that I made today were my "status quo" choices. They are the exact choices that I would have made were I not actively trying to lose weight. My status quo choices are what got me where I am today and are what would keep me here if I made them on a daily basis. So long as I'm not making these same choices every day, so long as I'm making the other, healthy choices the majority of the time, I'll get where I want to be. I will not stay here. It's just not possible. One bad day or one bad week, even, does not mean failure. Failure is allowing that one bad day or that one bad week to defeat you and cause you to give up completely.

I've often been hopeful but, ultimately, fatalistic about my ability to ever reach my goals. I'm no longer pessimistic about what I can accomplish. I know that I can do this and I know that I will do this. I don't know how long it will take, and I can't really be expected to know something like that. I have no real control over how long that it takes. It may take me six months, it may take me six years. I don't know and I don't care when it happens. I can't control the scale, my size, or time. All I can do is make my body as healthy as I can. I can nourish it with healthy foods and water. I can move it and make it stronger and faster with exercise. I can heal it from the years of abuse that I've put it through. I can learn about how to make it better. I can love it and appreciate it and be grateful for it.

But I can't and won't make fruitless and ultimately damaging goals like, "I will lose 10 pounds this month." To even want or expect some arbitrary number on the scale on a specific date is preposterous and is nothing but a recipe for disappointment. Nobody can fucking control the number on the scale, nomatter how vigilant one is about food and drink and exercise. We are not robots. The human body is complex and every single one is different and operates in its own way.

I now look at my body as a testament to my success or failure at a particular skill set, and that skill set is healthy living. And it is clear, when looking at my body, that I have some work to do. I'm strong and disease free (that I know of, at least) and I am so, so grateful for that. But right now I need to work on consistency and discipline. I need to live every week like I lived this past week. If I can do that one simple thing...be consistent...you will read that consistency on my body. My body will be a testament to that consistency and that discipline.

It's not exciting. It's not all that fun, either. But it's...exciting. I've wanted this for a long time, and I know that I'm finally closing in on it. and I think that I'll really be proud and amazed, thrilled and beyond grateful for all that I will achieve.

I lived well this week. I worked hard and I took excellent care of my body. I am satisfied with what I've achieved. Here's to another week of healthy living!